let the right one in

They say that being too needy gets in the way of loving, that one needs to be perfectly self-sufficient or “whole” in order to be in a healthy relationship. All this is true, yet, I’ve found that some people misconstrue this thought as the need to maintain a strict autonomy from each other for fear of losing themselves. 

I find that two people cannot love each other unless they create a genuine need for each other. It’s the ultimate irony, we need to find ourselves first in order to be able to effectively lose ourselves in another person. And by “losing yourself”, I don’t mean the complete loss of your identity. What I mean is totally being into another person so fully, that you become one.

This inevitably leads to sinking down emotional roots into each other, and then yes, you begin to need each other, and the autonomy you so painstakingly cultivated is left in shambles. It’s a vulnerable position to be in. But as humans, we’re hard-wired to need each other, and love is creating a need for each other even when there may be none initially present. 

Certainly I was a self-sufficient, little lady when I met my partner. I’m not one to be emotionally needy. But I’ve learned that there will be times when life will pull the rug out from under my feet and my needs will greatly exceed the usual, and I’ll have to ask someone to help me get back on my feet.

Certainly I can weather many of life’s storms on my own. But why go through it alone? Love is letting someone share your most private, vulnerable space, and that includes your sorrows as well as your joys. 

Choosing to need someone is like opening the door to the best room in house, and saying, “come in, pull a chair, make yourself comfy, stay”. 

I’ve dated the sort who equates any sort of neediness to weakness and I found that we were heading straight for a dead end because we couldn’t let the other in. 

And so, I’m glad I’ve found a partner who lets his guard down often enough to let me know that he needs me, that I am welcome to stay and, and that I am an important piece of the puzzle; that I am essential, not just ornamental, to his life. 

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    They say that being too needy gets in the way of loving, that one needs to be perfectly self-sufficient or “whole” in...

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    Wonderfully written

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